Thursday, June 9, 2011

Overprotected by Jennifer Laurens

Ashlyn: A lonely society princess living in New York City.

Daddy hired you to be my bodyguard.

Colin: Childhood enemy, now her protector.

Daddy thought I’d be safe. He thought I’d never fall in love. He thought he could keep me forever.

Charles: obsessed with keeping her safe, keeping her his, he hires the one person he knows she could never fall in love with: Colin.

Daddy was wrong.

Daddy wants to protect his little girl, little girl (18 years old) wants to grow up. Old bodyguard feel in love with her and was getting too familiar, new bodyguard is respectful and she falls for him.
Ashlyn is whiny and honestly doesn't do anything mature to have her father trust her. Her father is overbearing and overprotective. He really needs to cut the apron strings. Her mother comes on to the new bodyguard.
Predictable plot. A few grammar errors. No character growth.
Quick and clean read.

Rating: PG 13
V: Kidnapping
L: None
S: tension

25% test (p. 61):
"...apartment?" Mother seemed uninterested in meal. He elbows were planted on the table and her eyes were glued to Colin.
I glanced at Daddy, eating in silence , like me. Every now and then his light blue eyes rested on Colin with interest.
"I have a place on Charles Street."
"Have?" Mother's brows arched. "You're keeping your apartment?"
As if he sat on hot colas, Colin shifted.
"A smart move," Daddy piped. "The sign of someone who is prepared."
"Yes, but he's employed here. As long as it doesn't have anything to do with your level of commitment," Mother said.
I rolled my eyes.
"I'm committed, Fiona." Colin reached for his water goblet. He seemed jittery, like he had been earlier in the car. Was he uncomfortable in the spotlight? A grin slipped onto my lips just as Colin's eyes me mine.
My smile vanished, but I held his querying gaze until his attention shifter to his half0eaten meal.
"Are you dating anyone, Colin?" Mother asked.
His fork paused before cutting into the duck flesh.
"Fiona, we don't need to interrogate the boy," Daddy chuckled.
"I'm not interrogating." Mother finally picked up her fork. "Just catching up with an old family friend."
"It's his business, not ours." Daddy's tone sharpened even though he smiled. I knew the silent encoding well: topic over.
"How did it today go?" Daddy waited for Colin's answer. My nerves prickled.
"Everything went well," Colin said without a hitch.
"I expected as much. Ashlyn's an obedient girl. You won't need to report to me unless something comes up." Daddy's firm tone was meant to remind both Mother and Colin of Colin's job--in spite of sharing a meal with us and being an old family friend.
Colin nodded. "Yes, sir."
Rebellion scraped my spine raw. An obedient girl? And why did..."

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